Just don't know.

So, I am having a "day" today. Which is not uncommon by Thursday I guess. I have been so tired this week, and lack of sleep makes me grouchy. I even come home and sleep when I drop Halle off, and it helps, but never enough! Ugh. I get so irritated with even myself. 

And I am so irritated with Landon this week. Every since he has been back at school, he refuses to pee during the day, even in his pullup. So when he finally does, either at home or when they are sleeping, he goes so much that he leaks everywhere. So we have been going through 2 pair of pants a day. The thing is I know that he can do it. He is holding it so well, for such long periods of time, he knows what it is all about, it is not like he doesn't understand it, he just WON"T do it. I have tried to be patient and not pressure him, even though he is almost 5 and his sister is 3 and she is going fine to the potty. I keep in mind that he has autism and that they take longer to potty train. But he is getting so intelligent about things, and I really do think that this is just sheer stubbornness of not wanting to do it, because it is something new and he hates change. I think that once he did it, he would be fine, just like he does about everything else that he is afraid to try. He was afraid of the headphones and microphones, but once he did it, he was fine. I know he gets his stubbornness from me, isn't that ironic. It is just getting him to take that first leap. I try to explain things to him, and to get him to talk to me, and he just shuts down. I don't want him to be in kindergarten and not be potty trained. It is going to be bad enough because he is socially awkward, and not able to catch onto things as fast as other kids, I don't want to add to it. So right now, I am making him wear underwear instead of a pullup. He doesn't want to pee in it either, because he hates being wet, but he still won't go on the potty. I have tried bribing him with chocolate if he does go, and he still won't. He is driving me crazy. 

And of course I have to work tonight, and not get home until around midnight, then get up with Halle tomorrow because she has no school, then go BACK to work Friday. So, I am not seeing a good end to this day.

Mondays...

Well, it is another Monday! This one isn't as mad as some! Our first loop of therapy is finally over! We go back for our next loop at the end of Feb. I am happy to do anything he needs me to do, but I know the driving there every day and doing that for 3 weeks was draining on both of us. He did very well though, I was really proud of him. Now he is back at school all day. I am a little bothered; he is not going to the bathroom there, even in his pull up. So he is holding his pee all day and waiting until he gets home to go, so he leaks all over the place of course. I am not sure what to do about it though. Halle and I went back to a play date today as well. We had a good time. We are supposed to look over the next few weeks to see if Landon has had any improvements. They aren't guaranteed of course, and I don't want to get my hopes up, but I really hope that this therapy is going to help him, even a little. 

Thursday

Been a while since I have been on here... Christmas came and went. I am not a big holiday person. I hate the stress of it all, the crowds, the pressure, the getting together with people you don't like and who really don't like you. But I always make an effort for my kids. They were excited this year, I guess because they are getting older. They were excited to open presents, and that made me happy. The day was long though. But I am glad they enjoyed themselves.

Now it is back to school and regular life. Landon started his Tomatis this week. And it has been a really long week. He wasn't thrilled about doing it, which I figured he wouldn't. He is having wear headphones with things playing in them. He is really trying though. He always keeps them on, no matter how irritated he becomes. It is so daunting. We have to do this every day for 3 weeks, 2 hours a day, 3 of those days Halle is with me and she is so bored. It is too far to drive back home, or go anywhere really. So we are stuck there. I actually enjoy the quiet time when she is at school and I go alone. I bring a book and my IPOD and zone out. By the time I get there on those days, I need it! I have to do so much running around all before then. I still take him to school for an hour or so, so I have to get them up and take him, come home and get her, take her to school, come home and get ready, go get him and drive there, then drive and pick her up and go home. 

Their schedule is all out of wack. I am having to get them up earlier so he can get to school earlier, and they hate it. He is so tired when he comes home and I let them nap, but he doesn't want to get up from that. By the time he is fully awake more time has gone by and then he doesn't want to sleep at night, Halle too. Then they are tired when they wake up in the morning and it starts all over again. That and they both have nagging coughs, Halle's especially has been keeping her up. Last night she didn't fall asleep till midnight, and had to get up at 7:45. She was not happy. I guess it is left over from their last cold, but I don't know what to do for it. Hopefully he will pass and their sleeping will straighten out. Today they woke up at a decent time, so they should be ready for bed tonight. I know I am!

I am so tired. I can't catch up on sleep for the life of me... even when I am dead tired when I go to bed I can't fall asleep. Then night before last it was really windy and the power went off. Landon can't sleep without his fan on, so he was up till 1. He wouldn't sleep in my bed because Halle was snoring, so we had to sleep in his bed. I could not get comfortable to save my life. Then he was up by like 7:30... We had to go everything in the dark and I had to leave with wet hair in the cold. I was really pissy that day! But I am doing better today. I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. I need a break from all the madness and I think Landon does too. 

I feel guilty taking him from his class, I know he is going to be missing a lot of fun things. I hope this works, and I haven't made the wrong decision. I think that is one of the things keeping me up at night. I know I would regret it if I didn't try, so I try not to feel too bad about it. Everyone I have ever talk to swears it has helped their child in some way. We will see I guess.